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Mentors, Part 3
I’ve rarely sat down with a mentor and asked them how I should do something. I just don’t think that’s the point of a mentoring relationship. That’s what a manual is for and I don’t think there really is a manual for how to do ministry. There are models, but not manuals.
If a person is qualified to be your mentor, they have a story that is worth learning from. So here’s some thoughts about getting the most out of your mentoring relationships.
1. Be prepared. Have a handful of questions ready, or better yet, email them out a few days ahead. Don’t waste your mentor’s time.
2. Learn their story. Go on their journey. You know they’re in their role for a reason. Invest yourself in learning the story of how they got there.
3. Ask hard questions. If you want life-altering answers, you should ask mind-boggling, heart-moving questions.
4. Be vulnerable. If this isn’t a two way street, someone is going to get bored and get off the bus.
5. Be thankful. Time is a commodity that leaders have little of. Always let your mentor know that you don’t take their time for granted.
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Mentors, Part 2
Finding a mentor may seem daunting but in reality, the world is becoming a small inter-connected web. Don’t think about just who you know, think bigger. Who do you want to know?
I suggest you find mentors in a number of places:
1. In your church
There are authentic leaders in your church. I suggest you look for people in your church who have a high sense of self and high degree of confidence in their abilities. I seek out people who are clearly advancing in their careers and I ask questions. At times, I’ll have coffee or lunch with a mentor in an un-related field just to tap into their leadership qualities.
2. Through your church partners
At Sanctuary, we started off with some seed funds from Woodland Hills Church and Church of the Open Door. I was at Open Door for many years and had contracted to do some design work for them. I then moved on to Woodland Hills where I volunteered and helped to design the campaign that not only was building their Youth Center, but also funded the Sanctuary planting fund. At both of these places, I gained from my experience, but also built the necessary relationships to go back and say, “I don’t know what I’m doing…can you help?” Find your local church networks and step out of your comfort zone, get to know the people who make influential decisions and grow the relationships.
3. At conferences
The modern church is conference crazy. Literally crazy. Throw a dart at a map and there’s probably a conference going on that week. I think I’m averaging attending 2-3 conferences a year now…Not exactly a conference scenester, but taking in enough to get the much needed restarts that help you to avoid burnout. Pick a relevant conference to your job. Maybe it’s just on leadership, maybe it’s on your specific field. Go. Get to know. Grow. I try not to leave a conference without making 1-2 truly valuable connections. Sometimes it’s outside of my comfort zone, but it’s well worth it. Talk to someone after a workshop they taught. Ask real questions that further the conversation.
4. On the web
If you aren’t on Facebook or Twitter, you should be. Everybody else is. These applications make it easier for you to actually connect with people you once thought were untouchable. For instance, this guy or this guy. These applications are making geography irrelevant. There’s a very good chance that someone you believe would be a great mentor is just a few clicks away. Start the relationship small and grow it with care.
Finding a mentor all comes down to being real about pursuing your goals. We all reach thresholds where we stop growing on our own. Mentors will help you move on to the next level. But, you need to have the courage to take the first steps towards building the relationships that can make a difference in your life…
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Mentors Part 1
Quite honestly, when I started out in ministry, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing (some might argue I still don’t). The one thing I did know, however, was there were a lot of people that I was connected to and a lot people I would get connected to that could help me along the journey and would share the load in making me more effective at what I do.
I’m going to spend a few posts talking about mentors.
Types of mentors
I am a perpetual learner. No matter what the subject matter, I probably have some interest in it. That curiosity has led me to mentors to play several different roles in my career and personal life.
When most people go looking for a mentor, they probably start by asking, “Who do I know that does what I do, and does it better than me?”
That’s a good place to start, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to learning how to be a true leader in your career and personal life. I would suggest you spend some time in your life to find mentors in 4 areas:
Role Player
This is the no-brainer. Find someone who has played your role and done it longer than you. For me, it’s church communications. In the past 5 years from volunteering to full-time ministry, I’ve had the pleasure of taking part in significant mentoring experiences with 4 people who do what I do. Every church is different. Every organization has its own structure. Those differences make it all the more beneficial to glean from different leaders who have more experience doing what you do.Leadership Groomer
I’ve been fortunate to cross paths with people who have had jobs that required them to be a strong leader. Vice presidents, owners of advertising firms, one of the greatest designers in the world. These people had more than skill to get to the position they are in, they’ve had leadership qualities that pushed them to excel beyond their pack. They may not have things to teach you about your specific role, but they likely understand how to work with people in such a way that they maximize the potential of others.The Spiritual Director
This person is more consistent in their journey with Christ than you are. They’ve been in the walk longer, have seen God move, and recognize what choices they had to make to experience God more abundantly. They are also willing to hold you accountable. I’ve had these people in my life, but have rarely taken steps towards this, but I’m feeling now is the time.The Objective Counselor
This person is in your life because they care about you. They care about you to the extent that they are willing to be brutally honest and hold you accountable in your relationships with others. If you have something to confess, they push you to confess. If you’re letting yourself get walked over, they push you to stand up for yourself. They know that you are a better person when you push through your weaknesses and harness them for your long-term growth. My wife has been one of these people in my life. She challenges me to confront my weaknesses, knowing that I and we will be better on the other side.
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Next Generation Leaders, Are You Preparing Them?
This is a really interesting read on the status of the next generation of non-profit leaders. They don’t want to be over-worked underpaid CEOs. They want impact and value from their jobs and want to be compensated fairly. What are we all doing to prepare the next generation of leaders?
It’s worth skimming and asking yourself some questions.
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My New Top 5 Signature Themes (Strengths)
I recently have retaken the Strengths Finder test to see if there is anything new I could learn about myself.
A few of my signature themes have changed.
Previously, my top 5 was: Self-Assure. Learner. Significant. Deliberative. Analytical.
This is what I look like now…I’m sure Analytical and Learner are still a part of my broader profile (anyone who knows me knows I’m endlessly observing and I like to read), but I’ve got a few new strengths to explore.
Maximizer
Excellence, not average, is your measure. Taking something from below average to slightly above average takes a great deal of effort and in your opinion is not very rewarding. Transforming something strong into something superb takes just as much effort but is much more thrilling. Strengths, whether yours or someone else’s, fascinate you. Like a diver after pearls, you search them out, watching for the telltale signs of a strength. A glimpse of untutored excellence, rapid learning, a skill mastered without recourse to steps—all these are clues that a strength may be in play. And having found a strength, you feel compelled to nurture it, refine it, and stretch it toward excellence. You polish the pearl until it shines. This natural sorting of strengths means that others see you as discriminating. You choose to spend time with people who appreciate your particular strengths. Likewise, you are attracted to others who seem to have found and cultivated their own strengths. You tend to avoid those who want to fix you and make you well rounded. You don’t want to spend your life bemoaning what you lack. Rather, you want to capitalize on the gifts with which you are blessed. It’s more fun. It’s more productive. And, counterintuitively, it is more demanding.
Deliberative
You are careful. You are vigilant. You are a private person. You know that the world is an unpredictable place. Everything may seem in order, but beneath the surface you sense the many risks. Rather than denying these risks, you draw each one out into the open. Then each risk can be identified, assessed, and ultimately reduced. Thus, you are a fairly serious person who approaches life with a certain reserve. For example, you like to plan ahead so as to anticipate what might go wrong. You select your friends cautiously and keep your own counsel when the conversation turns to personal matters. You are careful not to give too much praise and recognition, lest it be misconstrued. If some people don’t like you because you are not as effusive as others, then so be it. For you, life is not a popularity contest. Life is something of a minefield. Others can run through it recklessly if they so choose, but you take a different approach. You identify the dangers, weigh their relative impact, and then place your feet deliberately. You walk with care.
Self-Assurance
Self-Assurance is similar to self-confidence. In the deepest part of you, you have faith in your strengths. You know that you are able—able to take risks, able to meet new challenges, able to stake claims, and, most important, able to deliver. But Self-Assurance is more than just self-confidence. Blessed with the theme of Self-assurance, you have confidence not only in your abilities but in your judgment. When you look at the world, you know that your perspective is unique and distinct. And because no one sees exactly what you see, you know that no one can make your decisions for you. No one can tell you what to think. They can guide. They can suggest. But you alone have the authority to form conclusions, make decisions, and act. This authority, this final accountability for the living of your life, does not intimidate you. On the contrary, it feels natural to you. No matter what the situation, you seem to know what the right decision is. This theme lends you an aura of certainty. Unlike many, you are not easily swayed by someone else’s arguments, no matter how persuasive they may be. This Self-Assurance may be quiet or loud, depending on your other themes, but it is solid. It is strong. Like the keel of a ship, it withstands many different pressures and keeps you on your course.
Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.
Significance
You want to be very significant in the eyes of other people. In the truest sense of the word you want to be recognized. You want to be heard. You want to stand out. You want to be known. In particular, you want to be known and appreciated for the unique strengths you bring. You feel a need to be admired as credible, professional, and successful. Likewise, you want to associate with others who are credible, professional, and successful. And if they aren’t, you will push them to achieve until they are. Or you will move on. An independent spirit, you want your work to be a way of life rather than a job, and in that work you want to be given free rein, the leeway to do things your way. Your yearnings feel intense to you, and you honor those yearnings. And so your life is filled with goals, achievements, or qualifications that you crave. Whatever your focus—and each person is distinct—your Significance theme will keep pulling you upward, away from the mediocre toward the exceptional. It is the theme that keeps you reaching.
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Innovate 08 – 10 Takeaways
Ten takeaways from Granger Community Church’s Innovate 08 Conference.
- Balance is static. Who needs balance? You have to lean into progress. – Mark Beeson
- The Gospel is Good News for Right Now. Stop Talking, Start Doing. Mark Beeson
- Stuff=how we tell the story. Spoken, Sung, Printed, Visualized. Brand Schizophrenia = When we fall in love with the stuff instead of Jesus. – Shawn Wood
- Leveraging Technology for Ministry is all about engagement. It’s not about toys, it’s about tools to reach the increasing population and their shortened attention spans. – Bobby Gruenwald.
- We forget the promise and forfeit the payoff because we faint in the process. We need to understand that the process is the point. The payoff of God’s promise comes in the processes we go through as we’re faithful to act on what we hear from him. – Steven Furtick
- An organization is the reflection of its leadership. Leaders must be willing to “get naked.” The difference between where you are and where God wants you to be is the pain you’re unwilling to endure. Accept the pain of the journey and enter in to God’s kingdom here on earth. – Life Church Directional Leadership Team
- Pop Goes the Church. Harness pop culture in the church to:
- Package events to attract a crowd.
- Get people to Think or Laugh
- Provide a new interpretation of a pop cultural element
- To encourage people in their service.
WHY do all of this? It’s all about engagement. – Tim Stevens - Better off going 30 ft deep in 3 places than 3 in deep in 30 places. Don’t confuse the great commission with the great commotion. – Rob Wegner
- Social Media allows people to fulfill their human desire to affiliate, associate and belong on a smaller scale. It’s also an environment where trust and relational collateral is developed at levels as shallow or deep as you want. - Kem Meyer, Zach Montroy, Tim Schraeder and Jeremy Scheller (Ha!)
- Changing the course is good. Be confident in knowing who you are and what you want to do and then you’ll have the space to be creative in how you do it. - Mark Beeson
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Innovate 08
Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to the Innovate Conference and Granger Community Church in Granger, IN.
I’m really excited about this conference, especially as Sanctuary looks to the road ahead and we talk about the potential for having multiple sites, better integration with new media technology and a better grasp on the use of pop culture elements into who we are as a worshipping community.
I’ll be blogging and tweeting from the conference for the next three days.
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Goals for year 10
Yesterday, Sarah and I celebrated our 9th anniversary.
I picked an amazing dinner spot at Ciao Bella. She picked a slow chick flick (me, two other guys + 100 teenage girls). Together we had one of the most fun, relaxed and thoroughly enjoyable anniversaries we’ve ever had.
Our marriage has really strengthened this year. We turned a corner in France that we’ve struggled to get around for years. It’s exciting.
Along with just having fun, we talked about some goals we have for our marriage for year #10.
- Pray together more (needs to be quantified)
- Serve more (needs to be quantified)
- Define our first official budget ever!
- Take a real vacation, this year and ever year (I’m praying for a miracle that we’ll spend our 10th anniversary in Italy or at least on a beach)
- Get a nice espresso machine to change my starbucks habit from buying drinks to buying beans.
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LEAD – Brad Anderson – An Uncompromising focus on People.
Vice Chairman and CEO of Best Buy
- Spent 7 years watching other people lead
- Being bankrupt, gives the freedom to have creativity bloom
- How do you let the uniqueness of the employee match up with the uniqueness of the customer.
- Highly engaged employees lead to better engaged customers
- It takes someone leading that authentically cares about the people they’re leading…
Leaders get into leadership because they want affirmation of themselves.
- True leaders get their joy out of seeing the leadership qualities of others come out.
- Once again: Marcus Buckingham rocks!
- The Biggest part of the job of the CEO: Staying engaged with the people that make the difference.
Motivating Leaders: Find your leadership base
- do you believe in it?
- how are coding what you’re doing? (are you masking what you really feel about your work).
- Brad seems like a humble guy for running a $40 billion company
- People matter to Brad. Without his investment in people he’s nothing. Where’s my investment in people, and how will I take it to the next level..presumably through conversation, huh?
- Brad is in Minneapolis, perhaps he’d love to get involved in a ministry that seeks to transform lives in North Minneapolis.
- Leaders aren’t born, their leadership skills are uncovered.
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LEAD – Catherine Rohr – Bring It On!
How many 25 year old women here the voice of God tell them they should take on the prison system?
Not many, I’d guess.
Catherine Rohr, overall else, seems to be a person who takes joy in being called to do work in the hardest places.
The Vision: She looks for proven entrepreneurs in the prison system. (Insert chuckle). The key is to find people who really are sick and tired of their old ways. First, she breaks down the tough guy barriers. Then puts them through business boot camp.
Then they graduate, get housing, job placement, medical insurance, and then they help them start the business ideas that burgeoned in prison. She achieves a single digit return to prison rate.
Unbelievable.
“These guys have been takers all their lives. Now, 70% of them give back to the program with financial donations.”
-Catherine Rohr
This creates the multi-generational community impact we’re all looking for. These guys get out, turn around their life and turn around their families too…
The message for the inmates
- We can be broken and still be loved.
Handling Criticism as a leader:
- Don’t let emotions over the criticism get in the way of the business.
- Ask if this is legit feedback. If it is, engage it. If it isn’t, ignore it.
Keeping from Burning Out:
- scheduled down time
- have no privacy, sacrifice privacy and gain acountability
- If there is time when someone doesn’t know where you are during the day, that’s a problem
- Connect your heart to the issue
- Model the behavior, give back to the organization personally.
- If you want money, just ask.
- Reconnect with your calling and pray, “Bring it on God” and watch what he’ll do.
- Catherine grabs life by the …. and lives.
- What’s my call…Sometimes I think I know, but I get preoccupied with the junk of life rather than being focused on the purpose that God has put in me.
- Transformation is within all of our reach. God says so. Are we willing to be used by God, rather than using God.
Backing up is hard to do…wait, no it’s not.
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